party in my uterus!

Dear we-swear-not-broken Muse,

You have been scheduled for a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, cautery of endometriosis and chromotubation with ethiodol on 6/6/08 at we-fix-women-right hospital.

Please follow this instructions:

1. Do not eat or drink after midnight, this includes water.

2. Do not sleep, as we are sure you will be pacing ( I am actually not nervous though, weird)

3. Please take high level of hormones, weep at everything, annoy all co-workers and hubbie as much as possible the day before surgery (today).

4. Please come to the surgery with as many breakouts as possible. This will feel like tiny men are digging their way through your face from china. They will be using ping hammers and mini blow torches. It is okay to pick at your face and scar it, because you are a dumb, dumb lady on mass amounts of hormones.

5. Please inform us if you are allergic to duct tape or spackle – as that is what we will be using to fix you up.

Post operative instructions will be given to you after your procedure since besides the aforementioned, we have no idea what we will find or what we will do. Please make sure to pick out a new paint color and furniture in case we decide to redecorate as well. Plan on being off work 3 days.

We will be, of course, showing Miss Cougar Cooter & The Inhospitable Uterus to all through our internet broadcast web cam. The URL is www.partyintheuterusofmuse.com.

Be making more scars real soon,

Dr.Ocean, M.D.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I am sure I will be fine, that is not the worry. I just hope we figure out something and it will be manageable ( both medically and financially). Not to mention, we hope it leads to 2 adorable, healthy, intelligent, good-looking, good natured, creative and obedient children who will have long and fulfilling lives and take care of us when we are older. One boy & one girl, one who will be, of course, a race car driver and the other a noble-prize winning scientist… but I am not too picky.

I will update when I can